Title: 5 Awkward Situations Eunhyuk Avoids + 1 He Doesn't
Genre: Humour, Crack
Summary: In which Henry wants to have a coffee with Hyukjae. The title says it all.
A/N: Title outline stolen off meiface because I'm a hack like that. Ideas all stolen from the Dare Ice Coffee: Girlfriend ad. For dip_eiffel_tea because I love her that much.
Eunhyuk looks up from the book he has his head in, "Yes?"
"Could we go grab a coffee?" Henry fidgets uncomfortably.
"It's over," Henry says, face grim but his expression quickly changes to one of delight, “I thought that was going to be harder,”
Henry proceeds to burst into a loud fit of laughter, gaining the gazes of many other people in the café. Hyukjae stares at the lack of sanity Henry had turned into and wishes the best of luck to his next boyfriend.
Throwing his hands up in frustration once the waiter was out of earshot of their conversation, Henry hisses at Hyukjae, “It’s just pole-dancing. It’s not stripping,”
Judging the way Henry’s face had twisted in disgust at the last sentence, he obviously thinks there is a giant line of difference between the two and Hyukjae scowls at the thought. Henry picks up on Hyukjae’s frown and stares him down, eyes ridiculously small above his giant cheeks. It’s about a minute later when Henry threatens to choke the older man with his ankles – a skill not even Sungmin had mastered – that Hyukjae gave in. Pole-dancing could come in handy one day.
“I have an idea,” Henry starts slowly, as if knowing Hyukjae would decline.
The younger is about to speak again but’s he’s interrupted by a Henry! in a thick Taiwanese accent. Hyukjae watches in shock as a middle aged woman slides into the bench next to Henry and beams at him.
“Mom’s moving in with us!”
There’s a few moments of awkward silence before, “Is he your boyfriend?”
“Mom! We all live together!”
“Don’t you take that tone with me, young man. Remember what you remember what your father said? No dating until you’re thirty!”
All Hyukjae can do is blink and observe as the two in front of him have an angry conversation in broken English and Mandarin. Henry starts crying at some point in their argument and Hyukjae sighs loudly. It was going to be a long day.
“It’s a rash and I don’t know where I got it,”
Hyukjae spits out his coffee in shock, staining the newspaper in front of him with speckles of brown. Grabbing a napkin and wiping his mouth, Hyukjae is completely silent. Henry shoots him an accusing look.
“Hey! Don’t look at me! I’m clean,” Hyukjae puts one hand on his chest to stop himself from choking again and the other in the air.
Henry doesn’t say anything, eyes narrow with suspicion.
“Where… is it?” Hyukjae asks hesitantly, wishing for an answer of it’s the crook of my elbow or even down my chest.
Still refusing to speak, Henry flushes bright red and mumbles something about going to the hospital. The next day when they get the results back from the doctors, Henry knows he’ll never live it down.
“You have,” Hyukjae wheezes, arms flailing to find purchase from laughing so hard, “a tick bite; on your ass,”
“You know that video we made?” is all Henry asks as he pulls his laptop out of his bag and Hyukjae is about to ask if it was the personal porn or the one of Kibum dancing Gee in his sleep.
“Well, it’s gone viral,” Henry grimaces while he says this and opens his laptop slowly.
Hyukjae prays to every god, goddess and spirit he knows that it’s the latter. But of course, it isn’t. There’s a protest somewhere in the back of his throat that would sound like it’s a little inappropriate to play porn in a café but all that comes out is a weak whimper as he goes red from embarrassment. Henry seems to find the video extremely amusing because he giggles, “Look at you go!”
Feeling faint, Hyukjae downs his cup of coffee and Henry attempts to lighten the situation by smiling weakly, “Is that a lot of hits?”
Hyukjae looks at the number that Henry is pointing at and sees his entire musical career flash before his eyes.
“I’m pregnant!” Henry’s face of uncertain joy cringes a little, “I think it’s your dad’s,”
Hyukjae stares at the younger man who’s holding up a positive pregnancy test in his hands. Somewhere in between the thoughts of has he even met my dad and can guys even get pregnant, Hyukjae is sure he’s had a heart attack. He passes out from shock because he’s just a wimp like that and when he wakes up, hoping desperately that it was a dream, he’s greeted by Henry with the pregnancy test still in his hands.
Eunhyuk is out cold again before he hears the money exchange from Youngwoon to Ryeowook at the opposite side of the room.
Note 1: like I said all the initial dialogue was stolen off the Dare Ice Coffee: Girlfriend ad. I’m planning to do a second one on the Dare Ice Coffee: Boss ad.
Note 2: this was originally going to be yewook but Alicia and her sister insisted on hyukry ;3.
Note 3: omfg, please don’t laugh but the tick in the ass story was actually from me. When I was about four, me and my family went trekking through this bushwalking resort and a week later I had to go to the hospital because I bashed into a door and while they were checking up on me, they found a tick in my ass. Will you all stfu >_>.